prayer

as the smoke clears

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Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth...buddha
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth…buddha

 

2016 might just be an adventure. it’s onset finds me steeping in the results. it aint easy to see my own reflection in the light of day. what i see is (when i let go of the auto-criticizing) i see those damn shortcomings and i see my own thought patterns that create barriers to moving forward.

it seems so simple to conceptualize seeing a problem, neutralizing it, and then removing it. yeah right. what that sentence represents is perhaps the paradox of my personal recovery journey.

certainly, all people have limitations. the only ones i see are my own. and feel the trappings of my own blind spots. but seeing, recognizing, and categorizing really fall short if i am to be able to approach the next round of my dreams. it is imperative for me to rise above them. or work with them. or find a way through.

prayer is definitely a part my routine. once in awhile i pray for something 3-dimensional, but the rule is seeking perspective or space or even relief. perhaps this post is really a prayer for permission to change.

my fears, my second nature, and my blind spots continue to bring me to the same cliffs, crevasses, and quagmires in my life. there are definitely times that i feel i am living my own version of that well-known recovery metaphor film “groundhog day”.  i repost a quote about that film from www.overthinkingit.com:

The plot, in brief: Phil Connors finds himself in a small town, reliving the exact same day, over and over. He always wakes up in the same position, the same physical condition. Thoughout his day, everyone else behaves exactly the same as long as he does. If he acts differently, they will too. Over time, he gathers memories of the previous days. Whatever he does, even if he kills himself, he still wakes up fine the next day.

this synopsis mirrors the state of my life often.  i am in the same place emotionally over and over again. it’s not about the other players. it’s about me and my own game plan. repeatedly i position my emotional armor to replicate the armor i grew up wearing. repeatedly i try to rise about and systematically i am standing again in what seems to be square one.

the work for me- the prayer i offer is to find the strength to allow permission to not act on instinct but pause before acting to give room for a different outcome.

a series of mixtapes were recorded in the 90’s and 00’s under the name of “back to mine” which referred to the selections of dj’s and musicians favorite chill ditty’s they played if listener’s were invited back to their respective homes- “back to mine”

here is the tracklist and selections for “back to mine” by everything but the girl

  1. Friends and Enemies – DJ Cam  – DJ Cam
  2. All Alone (No One to be With) – Slick Rick  – Slick Rick
  3. The Bayou – Deadly Avenger  – Deadly Avenger
  4. Stars All Seem to Weep – Beth Orton  – Beth Orton
  5. The Flow (G-Funk Mix) – Model 500  – Model 500
  6. Cascades of Colour (Wamdue Black Mix) – The Ananda Project feat. Gaelle Addison  – Ananda Project
  7. Do It Now – Dubtribe Sound System  –  Dubtribe Sound System
  8. A Wonderful Life – Carl Craig  – Carl Craig
  9. To Cry About – Mary Margaret O’Hara  – Mary Margaret O’Hara
  10. Silent Treatment – The Roots  –  Roots
  11. Funky for You (Spacehopper Mix) – Deadbeats  –  Deadbeats
  12. Someday We’ll All Be Free – Donny Hathaway  – Donny Hathaway

 

daily bread

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“The greatest prayer is patience”
“The greatest prayer is patience”

the lessons these days are more intricate and more complicated. as are the rewards. just maybe, the answer lies in not knowing everything. not understanding. just trusting.

A Prayer On Awakening:

“God please direct my thinking and keep my thoughts divorced from self – pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.  Please keep my thought life clear from wrong motives and help me employ my mental faculties, that my thought-life might be placed on a higher plane, the plane of inspiration.”

after the gold rush

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May I be free from fear. May I be free from suffering. May I be happy. May I be filled with loving kindness. May you be free from fear. May you be free from suffering. May you be happy. May you be filled with loving kindness. May all people everywhere be happy and filled with loving kindness.
May I be free from fear. May I be free from suffering.
May I be happy. May I be filled with loving kindness.
May you be free from fear. May you be free from suffering.
May you be happy. May you be filled with loving kindness.
May all people everywhere be happy and filled with loving kindness.

 

“After The Goldrush”

Well, I dreamed I saw the knights
In armor coming,
Saying something about a queen.
There were peasants singing and
Drummers drumming
And the archer split the tree.
There was a fanfare blowing
To the sun
That was floating on the breeze.
Look at Mother Nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies.
Look at Mother Nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies.

I was lying in a burned out basement
With the full moon in my eyes.
I was hoping for replacement
When the sun burst thru the sky.
There was a band playing in my head
And I felt like getting high.
I was thinking about what a
Friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie.
Thinking about what a
Friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie.

Well, I dreamed I saw the silver
Space ships flying
In the yellow haze of the sun,
There were children crying
And colors flying
All around the chosen ones.
All in a dream, all in a dream
The loading had begun.
They were flying Mother Nature’s
Silver seed to a new home in the sun.
Flying Mother Nature’s
Silver seed to a new home….neil young