acceptance

chaos and the calm

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my professional life has felt like a cake baking in the oven. it seemed to have expanded its volume, but it is not clear whether the increase will remain or if it is all air and will fall when removed from the oven. i received some good (i think) news today, but remain apprehensive about the specific domino fall that may follow. i am nervous and excited. and i work to feel okay with not knowing. i hope and i refrain.

i remember a conversation i had with a lifelong friend the night that we met. it had to do with hope and demise and the symbiotic and yin-yang relationship they seem to have. a person’s demise is often connected to their hope. i have maintained this perspective since i claimed it in 1980 during a full moon lit walk along lake shore drive chicago.

so when i feel excitedly hopeful about the prospects of possible outcomes of this not unexpected news, i have found myself worried about the hope i muster. and if a hope become reality, what if what i hope becomes worse than what i have? or more strangely, what if it becomes better?

here in the twilight

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Twilight - a time of pause when nature changes her guard. All living things would fade and die from too much light or too much dark, if twilight were not. Howard Thurman
Twilight – a time of pause when nature changes her guard. All living things would fade and die from too much light or too much dark, if twilight were not.
Howard Thurman

As I Walked Out One Evening

W. H. Auden, 19071973
As I walked out one evening,
   Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
   Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
   I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
   ‘Love has no ending.

‘I’ll love you, dear, I’ll love you
   Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
   And the salmon sing in the street,

‘I’ll love you till the ocean
   Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
   Like geese about the sky.

‘The years shall run like rabbits,
   For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
   And the first love of the world.'

But all the clocks in the city
   Began to whirr and chime:
‘O let not Time deceive you,
   You cannot conquer Time.

‘In the burrows of the Nightmare
   Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
   And coughs when you would kiss.

‘In headaches and in worry
   Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
   To-morrow or to-day.

‘Into many a green valley
   Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
   And the diver’s brilliant bow.

‘O plunge your hands in water,
   Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
   And wonder what you’ve missed.

‘The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
   The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
   A lane to the land of the dead.

‘Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
   And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
   And Jill goes down on her back.

‘O look, look in the mirror,
   O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
   Although you cannot bless.

‘O stand, stand at the window
   As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
   With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
   The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
   And the deep river ran on. 

 

save the world

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“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”  ― Gautama Buddha,
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
― Gautama Buddha,

the idea of saving the world seems so daunting and almost fairytale-like. hell some days i can’t even understand my own life let alone save the world. yet there it sits- this haunting and beautiful idea that all that is sucky in this world can be turned around. that the light will somehow come after the dark. we don’t know how really. we have some ideas, but there is as much mystery surrounding the galaxy, the planet, and the universe, that for me faith is the only bridge that quells the insane desire to see good as triumphant and make peace with the darker aspects of our living.

Who’s gonna save the world tonight?
Who’s gonna bring it back to life?
We’re gonna make it, you and I
We’re gonna save the world tonight

It’s far from home,
It’s for the better
What we dream, it’s all that matters
We’re on our way, united

Turn the crowd up now
We’ll never back down
Shoot down the skyline
Watch it on primetime
Turn up the love now
Listen up now, turn up the love….

Swedish House Mafia