music

Autumn Brings Inspiration

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Portrait of John Talbot, later 1st Earl Talbot; Pompeo Batoni, Italian (Lucchese), 1708 - 1787; Italy, Europe; 1773; Oil on canvas; Unframed: 274.3 x 182.2 cm (108 x 71 3/4 in.), Framed: 301 x 209.9 x 10.8 cm (118 1/2 x 82 5/8 x 4 1/4 in.); 78.PA.211
Portrait of John Talbot, later 1st Earl Talbot; Pompeo Batoni, Italian (Lucchese), 1708 – 1787; Italy, Europe; 1773; Oil on canvas; Unframed: 274.3 x 182.2 cm (108 x 71 3/4 in.), Framed: 301 x 209.9 x 10.8 cm (118 1/2 x 82 5/8 x 4 1/4 in.); 78.PA.211

 

Over hill, over dale,
Thorough bush, thorough brier,
Over park, over pale,
Thorough flood, thorough fire!
I do wander everywhere,
Swifter than the moon’s sphere;
And I serve the Fairy Queen,
To dew her orbs upon the green;
The cowslips tall her pensioners be;
In their gold coats spots you see;
Those be rubies, fairy favours;
In those freckles live their savours;
I must go seek some dewdrops here,
And hang a pearl in every cowslip’s ear.
William Shakespeare

autumn has sailed in this year like a luxury yacht. I have been afloat all season and barely knew we were moving. Pumpkins, harvest, fall, golden, changing, pumpkins, squash, sweaters, corduroy. Along with these returning symbols of my life, I am reminded also by my nature that the 3rd quarter shift every year signals internal reminders of this cycle of life. I make changes at this time of year. I’d like to frame it as “I grow every year”

there is a part of me that is so driven by impulse I can rarely notice when I genuflect via autopilot. I leap and then I reflect. It seems others ponder before they make a move. I can’t imagine what that’s like. To make it stickier, I judge my nature as immature and spend a good deal of time feeling badly about how I am. I forget that I do not endure hypocracy and toxicity for very long as my more mature counterparts do.

This song played on my apple shuffle the other day and I swooned. Paolo remains a source of inspiration for me.

“Autumn”

Autumn leaves under frozen souls,
Hungry hands turning soft and old,
My hero cried as we stood out there in the cold,
Like these autumn leaves I don’t have nothing to hold.

Handsome smile, wearing handsome shoes,
Too young to say, though I swear he knew,
And I hear him singing while he sits there in his chair,
While these autumn leaves float around everywhere.

And I look at you, and I see me,
Making noise so restlessly,
But now it’s quiet and I can hear you saying,
‘My little fish don’t cry, my little fish don’t cry.’

Autumn leaves have faded now,
That smile I lost, well I’ve found somehow,
Because you still live on in my father’s eyes,
These autumn leaves, all these autumn leaves, all these autumn leaves are yours tonight.

sunday kind of love………. matt butler

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my friend Allison Harden turned me on to Matt Butler via a song used in the revolutionary film “generation found”

he kindly let us use his song “just one”  during our “surrounded by recovery” event. Since that time I have come to respect his music and lyrics, as well as his sense of propriety.

i have included selections from Matt’s new album “Relentless”- please consider buying a copy and supporting his efforts and his philanthropy.

 

 

 

 

 

sunday kind of love…….. todd rundgren

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i  have been posting music for as long as I’ve been blogging. 2006 was the year of my first post. I was really just investigating the medium. i was 2 years into my recovery and needed something more. In the process I met a circle of like minded individuals across the continent and further who enhanced my support network and helped alleviate greatly the anxiety that my early recovery heralded.

Along with the beautiful addition of online support, the evolution of my 10 year journey with blogging has cemented my lifelong love and reliance upon music. This continues to this day. Today’s offering….. Todd Rundgren. His name music will speak for itself.-

 

 

 

take me to the river

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“When you come from the view that you’re fundamentally good rather than fundamentally flawed, as you see yourself speak or act out, as you see yourself repress, you will have a growing understanding that you’re not a bad person who needs to shape up but a good person with temporary, malleable habits that are causing you a lot of suffering. And then, in that spirit, you can become very familiar with these temporary but strongly embedded habits.”  ― Pema Chödrön, Living Beautifully: with Uncertainty and Change
“When you come from the view that you’re fundamentally good rather than fundamentally flawed, as you see yourself speak or act out, as you see yourself repress, you will have a growing understanding that you’re not a bad person who needs to shape up but a good person with temporary, malleable habits that are causing you a lot of suffering. And then, in that spirit, you can become very familiar with these temporary but strongly embedded habits.”
― Pema Chödrön, Living Beautifully: with Uncertainty and Change

these last few weeks have provided me the opportunity to make room for some of my real nature to come into view. if only i could proclaim how wonderful i am. wouldn’t that be wonderful? it might be, but that’s not the case. what i have seen is how very human i am. how vulnerable to primal reaction and fear i am. and how my ” chasing shiny things behaviors” keep me caught in a whirlpool of mild chaos.

it is often a challenge not to throw the book at myself in judgement over all this. after all, i have spent most of my adult life feeling “less than” and standing on the outside looking in. recovery and spiritual practices have taught me to think differently and feel differently which is how i try to live most of the time. but  there are times when primal reactions emerge without warning and leave me standing clueless like a deer in some headlights trying to figure out what is happening and which direction i need to make a dash for.

this process i describe is my version of actuating emotional sobriety. old behaviors emerge and cause me to see life as in a rainstorm. emotional recovery involves time and patience to remember that who i was and how i was does not dictate who i am now. it is like using a wiper blade to better see the world with clarity.

attached to this cycle is the much more fragile self-forgiveness tangent. acceptance and forgiveness become  the fulcrum that growth and change teeter upon in my world. when i pray now, it is for the ability to zoom out of my life and make room for unexpected blessings to be seen.

welcome to my january in 2016.  i am grateful for your visit.

I don’t know why I love her like I do
All the changes you put me through
Take my money, my cigarettes
I haven’t seen the worst of it yet
I want to know that you’ll tell me
I love to stay
Take me to the river, drop me in the water
Take me to the river, dip me in the water
Washing me down, washing me down

I don’t know why you treat me so bad
Think of all the things we could have had
Love is an ocean that I can’t forget
My sweet sixteen I would never regret

I want to know that you’ll tell me
I love to stay
Take me to the river, drop me in the water
Push me in the river, dip me in the water
Washing me down, washing me

 

who is pca colorado and what do they offer?

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 First, rely on the spirit and meaning of the teachings,  not on the words;  Second, rely on the teachings,  not on the personality of the teacher;  Third, rely on real wisdom,  not superficial interpretation;  And fourth, rely on the essence of your pure Wisdom Mind,  not on judgmental perceptions.

First, rely on the spirit and meaning of the teachings,
not on the words;
Second, rely on the teachings,
not on the personality of the teacher;
Third, rely on real wisdom,
not superficial interpretation;
And fourth, rely on the essence of your pure Wisdom Mind,
not on judgmental perceptions.

Thank you very much for your interest in Peer Coach Academy Colorado. Here is a brief rundown of my history working with peers. I have worked as a peer manager since I began working It Takes A Village in 2006, co-facilitating a substance use treatment group as a peer facilitator for a grant-funded program. I transitioned to Denver Health HIV clinics, started a newsletter and a not-for-profit dedicated to addressing stigma and adherence to care. In 2012 I transitioned to the Methadone clinic and began a peer support program intended to put patients successfully managing their own Methadone adherence in front of patients who were new to the program or struggling. I partnered with AFR for training and implemented a peer-to-peer program that continues to this day. The hospital experience provided me with a fairly basic understanding of mental health issues, common challenges for people who are dually diagnosed as well as a plethora of resources available.

 

I began to realize that our community needed more than the training and support Colorado had, so in 2014 upon leaving Denver Health, I traveled to Connecticut and trained with an early pioneer of the National Recovery movement CCAR ( www.ccar.us) .  The training was profound and includes a remarkable section focused on power and privilege which invites participants to understand the challenges  and stigma that people of color and other minorities experience in our systems.  I keep up a healthy professional relationship with CCAR and can tap into their years of Recovery Coach experience if the situation were to arise.

 

Since then, I have worked on a recovery-oriented  treatment option for multiple DUI offenders featuring a peer co-facilitator and using a cognitive based recovery oriented curriculum instead of the same one most have used at least one time earlier. I have collaborated with Colorado Mental Wellness Network to bring recovery coach trainings to their catalog of peer trainings.

 

What I believe is essentially missing from most peer programs I have encountered in Colorado are supervision, professionalism, education, and boundaries. PCA has assembled 5 continuing education trainings including Ethics, MAT, Legal Recovery Coaching. These supportive shorter program give the coaches an opportunity to reassess their skills. receive healthy feedback, reconnect with the larger recovery coach community, and learn new information about the field all of which enlarges their perspectives and creates stronger values.; 

 

I have demonstrated strong supervision skills in my career. As a CAC III, I have been supervising CAC’s for the last 5 years. With regard to Recovery Coaches, I am fortunate enough to maintain contact and relationships with most of the coaches that have graduated my trainings. Many continue to work with others to this day.

 

I am attaching a copy of the 4 day training agenda (40 hours) On a 5th day (or 5th and 6th days later) we could add any of the extra modules like Ethics or Legal Recovery Coaching to compliment and strengthen skills. If the group would benefit from diversity, I can invite one or two trainees of different cultures or backgrounds to take part.  

I hope this is not too long. I get excited as I talk about this work.  Please feel free to edit and/or request more if needed. 

With Gratitude

Rod Rushing CAC III
Recovery Coach Trainer and Consultant
PCA 4 day

ch ch ch changes

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more bowie bowie 3 bowie 4 bowie's personae 4 decades of bowie

Life is like stepping into a boat that is about to sail out to sea and sink. — Shunryu Suzuki

for me, one of the most significant gifts we received from david bowie was permission to reinvent ourselves. try something on for a bit and then don’t feel saddled with that forever. you can always make a change.

i needed that permission. growing up a sissyboy in the 1970’s suburban chicago, that permission saved my sanity. i didn’t have to try to fit in to the mold of someone else’s idea of who i should be. i understood, i could be someone else. be different in different ways. my choice- not the bully’s choice. not the bigot’s choice. not the someone the homophobe decided. in some ways, i am sure that bowie’s transcendence saved my ass.

Changes
David Bowie

I still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t tell t hem to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where’s your shame
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I’m going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, look out you rock ‘n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon you’re gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time

 

did i dream i dreamed about you

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Did I dream you dreamed about me? Were you hare when I was fox? Now my foolish boat is leaning Broken lovelorn on your rocks For you sing 'Touch me not, touch me not image: http://static.urx.io/units/web/urx-unit-loader.gif Come back tomorrow Oh, my heart, oh, my heart Shies from the sorrow' ..... tim buckley
Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you hare when I was fox?
Now my foolish boat is leaning
Broken lovelorn on your rocks
For you sing
‘Touch me not, touch me not
Come back tomorrow
Oh, my heart, oh, my heart
Shies from the sorrow’
….. tim buckley

funny- i purchased a copy of “living beautifully” by pema chodron and once again while breathing in her perspective, i felt a slight shift of insight, as if a thin veil had been pulled away. my experience with pema’s writing is that she is a lyricist for the soundtrack of my life. although i run and i hide, the truth in her soothsayer tellings that rings with clarity that it may very well be time to wake up.

As human beings we share a tendency to scramble for certainty whenever we realize that everything around us is in flux. In difficult times the stress of trying to find solid ground�something predictable and safe to stand on�seems to intensify. But in truth, the very nature of our existence is forever in flux. Everything keeps changing, whether we�re aware of it or not.

What a predicament! We seem doomed to suffer simply because we have a deep-seated fear of how things really are. Our attempts to find lasting pleasure, lasting security, are at odds with the fact that we�re part of a dynamic system in which everything and everyone is in process.

So this is where we find ourselves: right in the middle of a dilemma. And it leaves us with some provocative questions: How can we live wholeheartedly in the face of impermanence, knowing that one day we�re going to die? What is it like to realize we can never completely and finally get it all together? Is it possible to increase our tolerance for instability and change? How can we make friends with unpredictability and uncertainty�and embrace them as vehicles to transform our lives?

The Buddha called impermanence one of the three distinguishing marks of our existence, an incontrovertible fact of life. But it�s something we seem to resist pretty strongly. We think that if only we did this or didn�t do that, somehow we could achieve a secure, dependable, controllable life. How disappointed we are when things don�t work out quite the way we planned.

Not long ago, I read an interview with the war correspondent Chris Hedges in which he used a phrase that seemed like a perfect description of our situation: �the moral ambiguity of human existence.� This refers, I think, to an essential choice that confronts us all: whether to cling to the false security of our fixed ideas and tribal views, even though they bring us only momentary satisfaction, or to overcome our fear and make the leap to living an authentic life. That phrase, �the moral ambiguity of human existence,� resonated strongly with me because it�s what I�ve been exploring for years: How can we relax and have a genuine, passionate relationship with the fundamental uncertainty, the groundlessness of being human?

My first teacher, Ch�gyamTrungpa, used to talk about the fundamental anxiety of being human. This anxiety or queasiness in the face of impermanence isn�t something that afflicts just a few of us; it�s an all-pervasive state that human beings share. But rather than being disheartened by the ambiguity, the uncertainty of life, what if we accepted it and relaxed into it? What if we said, �Yes, this is the way it is; this is what it means to be human,� and decided to sit down and enjoy the ride?