colorado lgbt issues

Arty Farty Friday

Posted on

Arty Farty Friday Brian Gysin  William S Burroughs
Arty Farty Friday
Brian Gysin
William S Burroughs

c5c71f27-85d6-4612-988b-98c77771e6ff-931-000000f74ec047b0_tmp

68e97e28-57f9-479c-b3e1-58926e060e12-931-000000f5b29eabf7_tmp

 

The cut-up and the closely associated fold-in are the two main techniques:

Cut-up is performed by taking a finished and fully linear text and cutting it in pieces with a few or single words on each piece. The resulting pieces are then rearranged into a new text, such as in poems by Tristan Tzara as described in his short text, TO MAKE A DADAIST POEM.[1]
Fold-in is the technique of taking two sheets of linear text (with the same linespacing), folding each sheet in half vertically and combining with the other, then reading across the resulting page, such as in The Third Mind. It is Burroughs and Gysin’s joint development.[2]
History in literature Edit

A precedent of the technique occurred during a Dadaist rally in the 1920s in which Tristan Tzara offered to create a poem on the spot by pulling words at random from a hat. Collage, which was popularized roughly contemporaneously with the Surrealist movement, sometimes incorporated texts such as newspapers or brochures. Prior to this event, the technique had been published in an issue of 391 in the poem by Tzara, dada manifesto on feeble love and bitter love under the sub-title, TO MAKE A DADAIST POEM.[3][1]

William Burroughs cited T. S. Eliot’s poem, The Waste Land (1922) and John Dos Passos’ U.S.A. trilogy, which incorporated newspaper clippings, as early examples of the cut ups he popularized.

Gil J. Wolman developed cut-up techniques as part of his lettrist practice in the early 1950s.

Also in the 1950s, painter and writer Brion Gysin more fully developed the cut-up method after accidentally re-discovering it. He had placed layers of newspapers as a mat to protect a tabletop from being scratched while he cut papers with a razor blade. Upon cutting through the newspapers, Gysin noticed that the sliced layers offered interesting juxtapositions of text and image. He began deliberately cutting newspaper articles into sections, which he randomly rearranged. The book Minutes to Go resulted from his initial cut-up experiment: unedited and unchanged cut-ups which emerged as coherent and meaningful prose. South African poet Sinclair Beiles also used this technique and co-authored Minutes To Go.

Gysin introduced Burroughs to the technique at the Beat Hotel. The pair later applied the technique to printed media and audio recordings in an effort to decode the material’s implicit content, hypothesizing that such a technique could be used to discover the true meaning of a given text. Burroughs also suggested cut-ups may be effective as a form of divination saying, “When you cut into the present the future leaks out.”[4] Burroughs also further developed the “fold-in” technique. In 1977, Burroughs and Gysin published The Third Mind, a collection of cut-up writings and essays on the form. Jeff Nuttall’s publication My Own Mag was another important outlet for the then-radical technique.

In an interview, Alan Burns noted that for Europe After The Rain (1965) and subsequent novels he used a version of cut-ups: “I did not actually use scissors, but I folded pages, read across columns, and so on, discovering for myself many of the techniques Burroughs and Gysin describe”

 

sunday kind of love….. gil scott heron

Posted on Updated on

pouring polka

Grief is neither a disorder
nor a healing process;
it is a sign of health itself,
a whole and natural gesture of love.
Nor must we see grief
as a step towards something better.
No matter how much it hurts –
and it may be the greatest pain in life –
grief can be an end in itself,
a pure expression of love.

– Gerald May –

what a very sad day in america. the deaths of 50 souls in one sweep have been jettisoned to the next level at the hands of an angry citizen. the lgbt community is targeted and wounded during pride month in a southern state and the southern anti-lgbt rhetoric continues to pour out like a geyser in yellowstone.

 

 

disclosure

Posted on Updated on

American spin

financial concerns have peppered my emotional well being since last fall. i took a position which just didn’t cut paying the bills and i was caught off guard by my struggle to get back on track. i then applied for a position with the state but when complied with a mandatory integrity interview was sent a dear john letter deeming me a drug trafficker even though there is no history of drug sales either on or off the books_certainly no charges of such. this was a huge blow to my psyche. whatever karma i was working through, it had a cost and i fell into depression. only these last few weeks am i able to feel relief. i have changed positions, am training another group of recovery coaches, am starting a small radio show, getting a room mate to help with expenses, getting a part time gig, and hopefully producing denver’s 1st sober- pride dance. my life feels fuller and more technicolor.

this is a time for gratitude for me. i am certainly blessed to be connected to such hearty  resilience after all these years.

song yet to be sung

Posted on Updated on

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” — Melody Beattie,
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” — Melody Beattie,

 

i have spent the last week trying to double dutch my dual-circling jump ropes of ritual-de la habitual. i am clueless whether i will ever ace this thing, but damn- it’s a gift to be able to try.

november is the month for being thankful. and my remembrance during 11/2015 is reflecting on the distance traveled. at dinner this evening i spoke with a friend about how much had changed in the 18 months he has been in recovery. on the drive home, i realized it had honestly been quite some time since i thoughtfully looked back to remember how things were with the intention of seeing the the drastic difference and the gifts i have been given. so here goes

  1. there is no doubt in my mind that sanity would not be woven into my life without recovery. the ability to see myself in the mirror and not cringe or silently disembowel my character has more value than price can give.
  2.  i have learned to sit quietly with myself and enjoy the company. it took 45 (almost 50) years for me to ace that trick.
  3. i have lived at the same address since 2007- aside from my childhood home, this is the longest i have been in one place throughout my adult life.
  4. the trenches left by the claws of childhood trauma have finally begun to support new life. although i still think of packing the trunk, loading the wagon, and taking off for the hills, i have learned to pause and try to see things from another perspective. this is certainly progress not perfection.
  5. i have also made a healthy start in re-establishing a relationship with most of my family. this means a relationship with boundaries. ‘
  6. in closing, i have reached a point in my life that affords me the luxury of assisting others. among all the blessings bestowed upon me since i said “uncle”, the opportunity to have worth and purpose outweighs the rest.

i hope you all have a rich and bountiful month (or more) of thankfulness. my heart is filled with light this season.

Let me tell you

You’re at the Jubilee or you’re all alone
Because the more, the merrier is how
Friends all tell me so
The birds wake up the grass

And they tell everybody
Say it’s time to grow
The sun, whispers to the birds
Oh, the song yet to be sung

Song yet to be sung
(Song yet to be sung)
The song yet to be sung

sunday kind of love- anne clark

Posted on

"No matter what the problem is, our experiences are just outer effects of inner thoughts."... louise hay
“No matter what the problem is, our experiences are just outer effects of inner thoughts.”… louise hay

The Other Closet
As the queer community has reached greater visibility, a considerable segment of our population—the queers in recovery from addiction—has remained hidden from the whole. For decades, queer people have been congregating in church basements and YMCAs to offer support and healing to each other for their recovery from addiction. Queer-oriented Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), and scores of other 12-step groups are the most organized, but by no means the only recovery support networks for queer people across the country.
Marty Mann, an early recovery advocate who promoted public education about the disease of alcoholism and founded what is now the National Council on Alcohol and Drug Dependence, was a lesbian. She was also responsible for ushering many gay men and lesbians into AA in the 1940s and 1950s. “Mrs. Marty Mann” was “out” about being a woman in recovery (double stigma), but remained silent about her sexual orientation (triple stigma). This was partly because of the times, but also because being out about too many stigmatized areas of her life would have undermined her already compromised credibility as an activist. In our community now, many queers are willing to disclose their sexual orientation or gender variance, but not their recovery from addiction. The lives of far too many among us span both closets.
As early as 1970, gay activists in recovery began to challenge AA in the flurry of queer-positive activity that followed Stonewall, petitioning AA for the right to establish “special interests” gay AA groups. This piece of history, largely unknown to the overall queer community, preceded the 1973 removal of homosexuality as a mental disorder in the DSM-II by the American Psychological Association (APA). Advocates pioneered what was to become a current network of “Gay AA” meetings across the country, arguing that it was important to create a safe and openly identifiable recovery space in which queers could explore the nature of their addiction and sexuality in a supporting and understanding community of peers. This has resulted in a strong, sober queer community that is a subset of the larger community. It has also created an overall acceptance of queer experience in many mainstream factions of AA and 12-step culture in general.
Many queers today express discomfort with the notion of disclosing their recovery within the queer community. As in other oppressed communities in which substance use is a social norm, there is often a reverse stigma and harsh judgment placed on people in recovery who no longer share common activities that center around the use of substances. Further, oppressed communities tend to shy away from addressing addictions as a social problem in their specific communities, fearing that it will bring further negative attention and blame upon them by the dominant culture. Because of these variables, it is important for us to tease out the issue of addiction in our community from the separate but related issue of the “right to use,” and the historic role of substance use in subcultures promoting sexual liberation. Thoughtful dialogue can direct us to recovery solutions that include not only those who practice abstinence from substances as a means to generate their recovery from addiction, but also those who chose to use substances in a way that promotes informed choice, awareness, and acknowledgment of risks, while reducing them

…. excerpted from writings by Tom Hill from History on Queer Experience with Addiction and Recovery. 

i’m like a bird

Posted on

When a bird is alive, it eats ants. When the birth is dead, ants eat the bird. One tree makes a million match sticks. Only one match stick needed to burn a million trees. Time and Circumstance can change at any moment. Do not devalue or hurt anyone in life. You many be powerful this time, but remember: Time is more powerful than you. So be good and do good. - Buddha
When a bird is alive, it eats ants. When the birth is dead, ants eat the bird. One tree makes a million match sticks. Only one match stick needed to burn a million trees. Time and Circumstance can change at any moment. Do not devalue or hurt anyone in life. You many be powerful this time, but remember: Time is more powerful than you. So be good and do good. – Buddha

it’s getting to be time to fly a little. i wasn’t expecting that it would come so soon but i feel the wind. there may not be a rhyme or reason. i have to make peace with that. or not.  please note that i have posted a remix version of nelly’s song as well as a stripped down version. i love love love the remix..

 

You’re beautiful and that’s for sure
You never ever fade
Your lovely, but it’s not for sure
And I won’t ever change

And though my love is rare
And though my love is true

I’m like a bird
I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is (soul is)
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is
I’m like a bird
I’ll only fly away (I don’t know)
I don’t know where my soul is (soul is)
I don’t know where my home is
And I need for you to know

Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don’t know me that well

And though my love is rare
And though my love is true

I’m like a bird
I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is (soul is)
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is
I’m like a bird
I’ll only fly away (I don’t know)
I don’t know where my soul is (soul is)
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is

It’s not that I want to say good-bye
It’s just that every time you try to
Tell me, me that you love me (oh, oh)
Each and every single day
I know I’m gonna have to eventually give you away, yeah

And though my love is rare
And though my love is true (yeah)
And I’m just scared
That we may fall through, yeah, yeah

I’m like a bird
I’m like a bird
I don’t know where my soul is (soul is)
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is
I’m like a bird
I’ll only fly away (I don’t know)
I don’t know where my soul is (soul is)
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is
I’m like a bird
I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is (soul is)
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is
I’m like a bird
I’ll only fly away (and I don’t know where my soul is)
I don’t know where my soul is (I don’t know where my heart is)
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is
I’m like a bird
I’ll only fly away (and I don’t know where my soul is)
I don’t know where my soul is (I don’t know where my heart is)
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is
I’m like a bird
I’ll only fly away (and I don’t know where my soul is)
I don’t know where my soul is (I don’t know where my heart is)
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is… Nelly Furtado

make that move

Posted on

Whatever you do, the only secret is to believe in it and satisfy yourself. Don't do it for anyone else. Keith Haring Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/author/6260-Keith_Haring
Whatever you do, the only secret is to believe in it and satisfy yourself. Don’t do it for anyone else.
Keith Haring

so a blast of ptsd hit me last weekend like a beached whale slams the shore. the light in my life drained without haste and i spent the next 72 hours imagining the annihilation of my world as it is today.

it has been awhile since i have felt in such a free fall and it did take me by surprise. since that time, my internal voice has been making strange noised like bubble wrap underneath a bicycle seat.

what is being revealed is the mismatch of my tasks and my intention. this is a very new doorway appearing in my path. typically, i push past these red flags and signals to continue with blinders on. and this has led me to a few spiritual firewalks. i usually feel burned.

it seems only natural to desire breaking that pattern. i wonder if now is the time to make that move, try to break out of a cycle.

ptsd is woven into my experience like a medieval tapestry. i am still learning how to not become invisible in its presence.

birds on a wire- recovery coach training in denver

Posted on

Birds sit on a telephone wire image credit (Michael Buholzer/Reuters)
Birds sit on a telephone wire image credit (Michael Buholzer/Reuters)

 

I am so excited to be working on the 1st Recovery Coach Training utilizing the CCAR (Connecticut Community of Addiction Recovery) curriculum which I pursued last year.

I will be collaborating with Colorado Mental Wellness Network in producing these trainings over the next year. The proceeds will go to that organization and be forwarded  to CMWN to promote their peer support agenda and programs throughout Colorado. Additionally, CMWN focuses on ongoing supervision and continued education and connection to others in the field.www.coloradomentalwellnesnetwork.org
This training runs 4 consecutive Saturdays (10 hours each), however at least 2 of the future trainings will run (5) 8 hour days in one week.The cost for the 40 hour training will be $650 and the education can be applied towards the new Colorado Peer Support Specialist Certification (which should be rolled out in October 2015). We will be offering “Spirituality for Recovery Coaches” and “Ethical Considerations for Recovery Coaches” in the near future. All these should cover the required domains for the accreditation. Please consider sharing this information however the attached press release is still a draft, so kindly ask for the final before sending this onward.
I welcome your feedback and hope you will consider promoting CMWN in our community.

 

Recovery Coach Training Marketing Content 5-2015 by rodrushing

https://www.scribd.com/embeds/267389884/content?start_page=1&view_mode=scroll&access_key=key-XrZmVe7qVPvAjr2FhBjf&show_recommendations=true

 

 

 

homeless lgbt youth

Posted on Updated on

“Here’s the kicker that’s going to make anyone say, ‘Whoa, wait a minute.’ They’re only on the street because they’re gay and transgender,” said Lauper, speaking with obvious passion. “Throwing your kid out on the street because they’re gay or transgender is like throwing your kid on the street because he’s brown-haired or blond or redheaded.”
“Here’s the kicker that’s going to make anyone say, ‘Whoa, wait a minute.’ They’re only on the street because they’re gay and transgender,” said Lauper, speaking with obvious passion. “Throwing your kid out on the street because they’re gay or transgender is like throwing your kid on the street because he’s brown-haired or blond or redheaded.”

that was me in 1974 and again in 1975. i was both determined and desperate. my home life had been turbulent for some time and the secret sadness around me cried so loudly that i had to run to muffle the despair. i hopped an amtrak from suburban chicago and landed smack dab in the middle of the windy city’s then gay ghetto. 5 years after the nyc stonewall riots and lgbt liberation was just beginning to see the light of day. there  was a newfound sense of safety that had not been felt by the pink triangle team before.

but lgbt baby bigs didn’t have much protection when they leave home except for the kindness of strangers. They were discards before launch and transition into a sort of second-hand shop find approach to the young lavender lovelies wear it out once or twice and then leave it out of sight.

i was fortunate enough to have made it out of that turbine. opportunity after opportunity have opened their doors to me. but the numbers of young ones like me has risen, but the number of options has not. certainly not as much as the distractions and the pitfalls have multiplied like chokevine on a juniper.

the stats that float around show that the lgbt newbies make up about 40 percent of homeless youth. broken young pups wander to mecca hoping for validation but often meet more of the deceit and judgement from which they ran left but coming from a much less familiar place.

it’s almost like a scene from the dickens tale of “oliver twist”.  vulnerable wandering souls get sucked into the lairs of artful dodgers and fagins who use fast talk and misdirection to help them vacuum the innocence right out of them. except so often these pitch men look so much better than the contemporaries that surround them.

this is the fate of so many castaways among us. mind you, often the mental health portraits of many of these souls is cubist. at least mine was for years. i continue to get triggered by the shadows that shame-based trauma casts. therefore direct contact is not a way for me to offer support.

but i can (and will) put a human face on an issue such as lgbt homeless youth. our city centers are littered with wounded pups that have broken away from their tribes for whatever reason struggling to survive on the streets. they try to keep up some sense of normalcy as the world they inhabit picks at their sense of self as a vulture might. pecking and pecking and pecking.

there’s no real way to tell whether an individual will thrive after being thrust into the darkness of urban nomadic culture. if one is cute enough, has no boundaries, sells a part of themselves, or gives it away, they might survive. but if they cannot or don’t know how to do any of these things, or crumble in the process. there is a good chance they won’t make it to 20.

if you’re reading this post,please consider this request and really give a thought to taking an extra step by offering kindness and support to those who need it so much more than we can imagine.

recovery as metaphor

Posted on

“I’ve been feeling a little bit down of late. It’s the process of maintaining my sobriety. It’s repetitive and it’s relentless and above all it’s tedious. When I left rehab I accepted your influence. I committed to my recovery and now two years in I find myself asking: Is this it? My sobriety is simply a grind. It’s just this leaky faucet which requires constant maintenance and in return offers only not to drip. ... I used to imagine that a relapse would be the climax to some grand drama. Now I think that if I were to use drugs again it would in fact be an anticlimax, the impious surrender to the incessant ‘drip, drip, drip’ of existence.”....sherlock holmes "elementary"
“I’ve been feeling a little bit down of late. It’s the process of maintaining my sobriety. It’s repetitive and it’s relentless and above all it’s tedious. When I left rehab I accepted your influence. I committed to my recovery and now two years in I find myself asking: Is this it? My sobriety is simply a grind. It’s just this leaky faucet which requires constant maintenance and in return offers only not to drip.

I used to imagine that a relapse would be the climax to some grand drama. Now I think that if I were to use drugs again it would in fact be an anticlimax, the impious surrender to the incessant ‘drip, drip, drip’ of existence.”….sherlock holmes “elementary”

have meant to post a bit about the thursday evening show titled “elementary” for some time. i have come to covet the weekly hour with the updated and smartly written prose that explores and microscopes the human experience as well as addiction and recovery.  on repeated occasions i found myself humbled at the finesse used in the writing to convey some of the complexities and the intricacies that make up emotional recovery the exodus from the realm of hungry ghosts. this particular journey ignites the inspiration for this blog.

the series is smart, modern, suggestive, and hopeful. the main character is recovering from an opiate addiction bundled with a prolific iq coupled with an extraterrestrial case of ocd. the details that show themselves through his journey affect all his comrades with amazement and inspiration. sherlock remains an enigma straightforward and simple all the while complex and precise. the human quotient of his character shines through in almost every episode in his demonstrations of loyalty and care for his friends and acquaintances that say someone who has gone through a spiritual experience. his decisions and strategies are made with a foundation of solid ingredients empathy, judgement, and generosity.

i don’t at all claim that i embody these attributes. i simply imply that this is what i strive for in my life. honestly i fall short of these almost daily. but i continue to trek towards a structure built with those embodied in this literary version of sherlock holmes. the simple solutions to the most perplexing situations in life as deduced by someone so simple and so astute.

what is that slogan they say in the rooms?- KISS- “Keep It Simple, Stupid”

In reading some reviews and blogs about the same subject i humbly share something that struck me as profound. this was found on tv.com/shows and written by nullnull2654.

“The Eternity Injection” dealt with one of the central aspects of philosophy and science.

“Time and how people experience it”

A nurse is found murdered and it shows that she had taken part in an illegal trial for time-dilating drugs, administering different amounts of it to five test persons and was killed by one of them. This man is also found dead with an autopsy revealing that an unknown chemical substance destroyed his brain. From the remaining four study participants, one died in a hospital and three are missing.
Sherlock, Watson and Kitty succeed in finding one of them alive after a very funny lock picking scene, where Kitty is lectured about the right tool to open the door by both Sherlock and Joan who are standing behind her.
The interrogation of the man leads to the identification of the scientist who conducted the trial and from there to a rich, but fatally ill person who financed the trial and ordered the test persons to be killed.
A very well constructed plot and beautifully woven into the background story.

Jack Connaughton is a man with obviously unlimited financial resources but only a very limited time left to live. So he finances the invention of a drug that would dilate the time in his brain. He would have the feeling that years had passed where in reality it would only be days.
He wanted to have the illusion of nearly eternal life.

For Sherlock it’s just the other way round. He compares his life with a dripping faucet that releases one drip after the other relentlessly and monotonously. Hours and days seem like an eternity for him, expressed in a marvellous soliloquy; Kudos to Craig Sweeny for these wonderful words:

“I’ve been feeling a little bit down of late. It’s the process of maintaining my sobriety. It’s repetitive and it’s relentless and above all it’s tedious. When I left rehab I accepted your influence. I committed to my recovery and now two years in I find myself asking: Is this it? My sobriety is simply a grind. It’s just this leaky faucet which requires constant maintenance and in return offers only not to drip.

I used to imagine that a relapse would be the climax to some grand drama. Now I think that if I were to use drugs again it would in fact be an anticlimax, the impious surrender to the incessant ‘drip, drip, drip’ of existence.”

So what is time? Does it exist at all? Why do people experience it so differently?

These questions bother philosophers, psychologists and scientists around the world ever since and they probably cannot be answered at all but one central insight is that

“time perception is a construction of the brain that is manipulable and distortable under certain circumstances.” (source: Wikipedia)

Sometimes you feel like there are simply not enough hours in the day to do everything you would like to do, but then there are days, especially when you are feeling down, when time doesn’t seem to pass at all, what is especially difficult for people suffering from depression, because they feel that way most of the time.
Good times pass, but luckily that means that bad times pass, too. Please don’t take offence that I quote from the Bible now, but it fits so well here that I just have to do it.

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

(Ecclesiastes 3 Verses 1-8, New International Version)

I think that is all that has to be said on the matter.

P.S.
I liked the choice of the name for the company that paid the participants of the trial:
“Purgatorium”.
The purgatory is, according to the roman-catholic church, a place or time where the souls of people are to be cleared before they can enter heaven. The pain is to already sense the love of God, but feel unworthy to deserve it because of your sins. Prayers of the living can help to shorten the time.

After a fashion Sherlock is in a state of purgatory. He knows that the people around him care for him, but he isn’t able to get out of his state of mind. Sherlock will not give up though. He makes that clear at the end of the episode.

“I will be fine. It’s just a temporary malaise.”

this seems insightful and inspired. but really it is just as i try to keep my recovery- elementary.