a new foundation

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reconstruction

In just under 3 weeks, the framework of my former life will get reintroduced to a new foundation and home. There are risks involved with this kind of effort, but the possibilities outweigh those risks in my mind.

It certainly not the first time I’ve started over. The political, financial, and emotional climates are influencing this decision. I am nervous about something going haywire. I hesitate to put this to paper as to jinx the glory that is my life today.

But part of me knows that resilience has become my overcoat. It has kept me warm during trauma after trauma, during debacle after debacle, and helped me stay dry as i have fired PTSD as my chauffeur.  Somehow, my faith will take me through. And I am glad to have this old shell of a building to set down anew and build a new life.

i  believe in movement. I believe in that lighthearted balloon, the world.I believe in midnight and the hour of noon. But what else do I believe in? Sometimes everything. Some- times nothing. It fluctuates like light sitting over a pond. I believe in life, which one day each of us shall lose. When we are young we think we won’t, that we are different. as a child I thought I would never grow up, that I could will it so. and then I realized, quite recently, that I had crossed some line, unconsciously cloaked in the truth of my chronology. &ow did we get so damn old? I say to my joints, my iron-colored hair. now I am older than my love, my departed friends. perhaps I will live so long that the New York public library will be obliged to hand over the walking stick of Virginia Woolf. I would cherish it for her, and the stones in her pocket. But I would also keep on living, refusing to surrender my pen…. Patti Smith- MTrain

 

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