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birthday candles

Fuzzy: What do you think happens when we die?
Willy: We get to have sex again.” -Longtime Companion

at certain intervals recently, i find myself shivering from a seemingly new sense that we are definitely living in a newer era. man buns, social media, selfie sticks, apps,  handcrafting, crowd funding, locally sourced, gmo-free are just a few terms that signal the radical shifts we have made in our daily lives. it as if the american portrait is no longer a rockwell or a remington, but the new american rendering is like a chuck close collage made up of smaller individual pics. i guess you need to zoom-in to be able to see what is at the heart of the story(ies).

close collage

young people (and people in general) especially millennials no longer remain loyal to companies or stay in jobs for decades because there is no sense of security, little hope for a pension, and a large chance of being let go as they age. mergers and acquisitions have created a completely new monopoly board. there have been so many broken deals, cover-ups, and gerrymandering of the system that people are too numb with frustration to bother participating in the political system.

when these random moments that contain a bit of cultural clarity occur, i feel a bit giddy and refreshed as if i had just come up for air after swimming underwater. relieved to breathe again and feeling blessed and hopeful that i am allowed to do yet even more. this is my 6th decade on earth and not only am i amazed that there is more to take in.

i have had another of those moments recently. it’s not a power moment- although it feels powerful- no it’s a humbling experience. i think back to my experiences in say the early 1980’s. at that time i was certain that my bohemian lifestyle and twenty-something world view was uber-insightful and could doubtfully be aced in any way. and then there’s the gift of now which provides me the experience of memory lost and of millennial worldviews that tell a quieter more bittersweet tale of lives and dreams drifting in and out of view.

my blog has always focused on the emotional side of recovery. at first it tried to cultivate the basic  feelings that early sobriety uncovers. this was followed by a more personal journey of emotional sobriety, my own shame and trauma that my younger self masterfully wove into older adult tapestry. now my temple of words remains a small canvas that i splatter, brush, tap, spit, or caress some feelings i have ready on my palette. it is definitely a spiritual practice whose consistent presence has normalized my multi-colored experience.

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