a few things have tugged at my heart this season and filled it with a rush of color. i silently watched a man steeped in exhaustion meander through a vacant lot with his belongings slumped in a wire basket with a style that matched the hunch and slump of his physique. i was pushed back by the opaque and omnipresent trauma that had transformed him into a marionette. and i felt the strength and the tenderness of spirit in this human and i was changed.
i met a man who was unjustly imprisoned for 12 years who lives his life without resentment. i am so far behind this beautiful soul with regard to having capacity to forgive and move on. although i talk a big game, i remain lacking in that particular maturity of the soul. but as i listened as this remarkably resentment-ridden soul related his experiences i felt baptized once again in a holy water bath of hope and purpose. i am changed.
i have asked for help. i have always been one to calculate a situation and the possible outcomes with asking for a favor to help facilitate the outcome i prefer, but i have not been very skilled (or willing for that matter) at asking for help to achieve a goal. don’t get me wrong- i continue to waiver between self-judgment about this and relief that i don’t have to carry all the weight on my own. but i have asked for help. even stranger is that i have been told “yes” more often than i have not heard “yes”. when i can get to the place in my life that the outcome has no more meaning than the process to get there, i will begin to believe i am tasting success. asking for help has humbled me. and i hope it continues to do so.