i am reminded just now about the nature of the kaleidoscope. it takes light and fractures it, reframes it, reflects it, and rearranges it. just like that tornado in kansas did to dorothy’s farmhouse, the world as i know is in the middle of being tossed around like a toy.
old tapes, old shadows, old secret doors just move in and out of focus as my world and it spooks me and it thrills me and it feels like new growth all at the same time.
i honestly can’t say where this whirlwind will drop me when she’s done, but i’m banking on my faith in my life. this is where the commercial for living in long-term recovery actually comes in. an old pattern that was connected to this kaleidoscope of insecurity and not-knowing was to deaden the anxiety that accompanies it by replacing it with some sort of ingested buzz. recovery has shown me that i can actually survive the unknown without disappearing into nothing.
faith, hope, gratitude, and recovery make up the colored bits of glass in my contemporary kaleidoscope.