i have made many mistakes and caught many many breaks. won some gambles and lost even more bets. i have thrown away chances and run from success. i have remembered my failings at some very moments i needed to be fearless. i have made it this far with no real explanation as to why.
i do believe it is an imperative that i return all the blessing i have whether or not they are happenstance. most days living amends has become second nature (i hope). there is not a struggle, nor a question about which way i should go- once in awhile, my ego gets the best of me, but i have people close to me to help me redirect my thinking. thank heaven for these moments. and i am thankful from the inside out.
but even more rarely, and even more profound are the times when the opportunity to give back is directly related to someone who has given to me without cause and without expectation.
i find myself at the doorstep of the latter of these situations. i am swirling in a sense of slow motion and a scent of ambrosia. with each year of recovery that passes, i am continually surprised by the tender mercies that a broken life can dare to dream about. but that is the miracle that is recovery in my life. and it keeps me fueled to travel north.