there is an overwhelming urge to move ahead with plans. and there is an underlying acend gnawing voice questioning my motives. it is not clear which path will emerge, but i am trying to listen to both.
addiction is often about filling a hole in the soul. my concern is that somewhere beneath all my rhetoric and good deeds, that there lies a need to fill a hole in my soul. if this new project is launched with this need to fill at the core, then is it a good intention?
or is the hesitation part of my childhood shame mentality? is it simply that i don’t believe i am good enough or worthy to do something without failing?
these questions roll over and over in head like the white numbered balls at a lottery drawing.