here in the rocky mountains we have had a few weeks of tumultuous weather that has wreaked a bit of havoc in our daily lives. snow storms, ice storms, tornadoes, hail storms, thunder storms, and fierce and furious winds. i have loved the chaos and the quiet that follows them.
this has been mirrored in my internal weather patterns as well. last november i ran into a wall and twisted and turned like a fox caught in a trap. i made a decision to wait to make a larger decision until i felt less acutely emotional about the situation.
6 or 7 months have transpired and the emotionality has returned. this time however, i have made a decision to change mostly because i don’t like the taste of waiting any longer in this particular instance. it’s like having a stunning flowering shrub in the garden. after it gets pummelled by hail and snow a couple of times, it is no longer beautiful. and for the sake of the garden it may make sense to remove the bush entirely and replace it with a new one.
this is where i am at with my career. it is revealed that i need to expand my horizons. i can’t let my emotions run my life, however they are the best guidebook i have. learning to listen and then knowing when to act and when not to are the complicated parts of recovery for me. i might actually struggle with these very issues until the end of my journey.
i have chosen to make my decision to change known before i know toward which direction i am changing. it is not practical, nor is it fiscally sound. those 2 qualities continue to excite me. i have health insurance issues, i have mortgage issues, i have self-esteem issues all enmeshed with my career. but whether i have a strong root system and healthy drainage will most determine whether i survive.
as each springs brings a renewed sense of growth and optimism, i am finding that each pass i cycle through my emotional body, i grow too. a storm creates change, creates damage, cleans away some of the old. right now it seems i need this in my life more than anything.
i have played this mix twice and love love love it already