Written on these walls are the colours that I can’t change
Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage
I know that in the morning now, I’ll see us in the light upon a hill
Although I am broken my heart is untamed still
at some point it becomes necessary to surrender to the basic fact that what i see is what i get. i will not escape my own nature no matter how hard i pretend to be different. i am what i am. and i can’t excuse it.
it is easy to use clichés such as progress not perfection and one day at a time. those sets of words (and the hundreds just like them) offer walkways to another day and assist with escaping the crazy of right now. but what they don’t really do is help me not pick up the crazy stick on another day and swing that around.
life really is a banquet of emotions. there are so many and they are combined in beautiful and strange and intoxicating ways. just when i think i am getting a handle on it all, i find more offerings and am forced to realize that i don’t understand a fraction of what there is. and during those times, the struggle is to be present and stay awake not disengage and check out (old pattern).
the work for me is to walk through it not run away and hide. i have many more years doing the latter. maybe instead of running, i can take a short trip and be around people who have known me for decades and remind me of my own connectedness.
there is a celebration of frankie knuckles life schedule to take place on june 3rd in chicago at millennium park. i have been considering a visit. i will run into to people i know and not be only in the life i have now. that may or may not be good medicine.