no fascist groove thang

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History will repeat itself

Crisis point we’re near the hour

Counterforce will do no good

Hot you ass I feel your power

Hitler proves that funky stuff

Is not for you and me girl

Europe’s an unhappy land

They’ve had their fascist groove than

Brothers, sisters, we don’t need this fascist groove thang.

i have spent the week struggling to keep my eyes open  i have been lethargic and lacking inspiration. i had an encounter last weekend with  a person that acted as an omen in my life. it tasted bitter and sour and i realized that it was time for a new chapter in my life.  i have heard that we live our life in a spiral and with each rotation we have the opportunity to have more truth revealed- if we are paying attention. i somehow  have the feeling that part of my life has just completed a rotation of sorts. 
i have been on this verge before. my emotions are familiar and ancient right now. i know that i have come to a fork and i am choosing a path. i am letting go of an effort i have been making. it has not been unsuccessful, however i don’t feel that my efforts have been matched. specifically why that hasn’t bothered me until now i am not sure. but that is how the truth seems today. 
i could be tired. i could be emotional. i could be over-reacting, i could be in the wrong. i could be all these things. i can live with being any or all these things.  i have come to understand that i have no obligation to be other than human. 
have my actions been honorable? i think so. have i put in a good effort? time can measure that better than i. have i been honest? in everything but the exit line- completely. am i ready for this? another measure best taken with time. 
underneath it all, a decision has been made- i felt i should wait to decide and so i naturally decided right away. i pressed 10 buttons and unlocked pandora’s box.  and i am tired- tired of tap dancing- tired of balancing, tired of waiting for something to happen. and this last bit is directly connected to a spiral in my life. tonight is not the first time i have made a move- a decision- a change- because i am tired of waiting.  
this takes me back to david  richo’s “how to be an adult in relationships” -especially the short bit called “what hurts us comforts us”. if we grow up around drama- we may create drama in order to recreate that old feeling- even when it doesn’t make sense to do so. i can’t honestly say whether this  is the right decision. i can say that i am prepared to live with this- so that has become plenty for me.
“Our higher needs include making full use of our gifts, finding and fulfilling our calling, being loved and cherished just for ourselves, and being in relationships that honor all of these. Such needs are fulfilled in an atmosphere of the five A’s by which love is shown: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.” 

2 thoughts on “no fascist groove thang

    Jeremiah Andrews said:
    March 15, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    The shake up seems to be a theme as of late. I too have come to a point in my sobriety where I've been shaken and the omens pointed me outwards. And the conversations I am having with particular sober folks only confirm this is where I should be headed. Things change in sobriety. The spiral is true. You've been heading in this direction and now it is in front of you. if you are unsure of your choices, sit where you are, consult your map, talk to those you need to, and then when you are ready take that step. This isn't a RUSH game. Just walk, calmly and confidently. you will get there eventually. but if you are scattered in your head, you might miss things passing by you as you walk.

    It's ok to be shaken. Sometimes we need the shake to realize that maybe we have been playing it safe and it is about time to make a change and do something different. Sobriety can be safe and become mundane. I've realized that for myself. So I am changing it up.

    Don't let fear keep you from listening to the omens. remember what the alchemist says about Omens.

    For a time they will speak to you, and if you ignore them, they will persist. and if we stay where we are and play it safe, we ignore the omens. But after while the omens stop speaking to us and by that time, it is too late to do anything about them. So if the omens are speaking to you, maybe you need to heed the words and listen and follow.

    Me thinks you need a little adventure in your sobriety.

    Jeremy

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    FrankandMary said:
    March 16, 2013 at 11:54 am

    i felt i should wait to decide and so i naturally decided right away.< That made me laugh. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at how common that & its opposite can be. More than half the people I know decide rather impulsively & most of the rest have trouble making any decisions at all, with only a few doing it with a good balance act. I think you need some rest, & some self-kindness. Maybe a phone call to a good friend too. ~Mary ps my friend David is always saying: Relationships are impossible. And not having relationships is impossible. Life is relentless! Yup, sure is.

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