talking loud and clear

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photo credit..nils vinils
Opposite and opposite
Decisions are reversed
Facing one another
With words that couldn’t hurt
With every little word
You’re getting closer to me
Talking loud and clear
Saying just what we feel today

it’s interesting to mark the progression of my own life as well as the bloggers i have met since i started this journey 3 years ago. i don’t know if i have progressed at all stylistically, but i know that professionally, i have morphed into a counselor, (and hopefully a caregiver). this is not what i had intended, but it is where my journey has taken me.

i started writing about recovery, and just experimenting with examining my thoughts and feelings during the 3rd, 4th, and 5th years of my sobriety. i remember the 1st commenter on my blog kickintina. he was a man in utah struggling with his own meth use and had sent me a comment on his way to rehab- which didn’t take that time. but i think his next attempt worked, and he has been sober and directed towards sanity since. he’s working, he has put all his legal troubles behind him (that i know of). there are a few similar stories to these. one man in san francisco, a very talented writer from la, an activist from toronto, a very sweet schoolteacher from south africa who now lives in taiwan( he didn’t do meth, he drank), and i have befriended a recovering meth addict/blogger from atlanta-now residing in ft. lauderdale.

with all this, it’s hard not to believe that there is something more similar in our journeys than just recovery and blogging. i think we might be part of a larger trend or movement within our culture. i haven’t gotten it all figured out yet, but i secretly hope that we may be helping light the way to sanity and self-acceptance for gay men that has been without light for so long. but i don’t talk much with any of them anymore. we have done our collective dances together and have moved on to our next performances. still i loved them all.

this week had me feeling wrung. i only worked 4 days, but realized that i needed to change some things to remain sane. the wheels have been put into motion for this change, and i hope to know something before the end of the month. i thought i might have to change my career direction too, because the price of working in the field i do- hiv and substance counseling- is proving to be much more costly emotionally than i had ever considered. i seem to ignite the ire of a select few around me consistently. i am not sure if this is because they have their own agendas-as do i- and i somehow interfere with theirs. i am thinking this is part of it. and i also think that i have developed connections and confidence on my own dime, and this is unsettling for some.

what i have to work on is spontaneity in my dealing with blips. when confrontation arises, which it does, i need to address it in a timely fashion. perhaps this will help to prevent some situations that have been painful from reoccurring. but that’s gonna be a hike.

i have a quiet weekend ahead. on tuesday i am doing a presentation on meth and its effects to a mostly hispanic agency and am looking forward to it. this is a kind of outreach that i have begun that i enjoy. at least i know i like to talk.

i went to see a small film called touching home. it was tasty. written and directed by twin brothers, it is their story growing up with an alcoholic father. the were at the screening and had a q&a afterward. funny- they finish each others sentences. almost like 2 parts of a bigger whole..

i am feeling nostalgic- probably most of the time- but i thought i’d share some ancient stuff from my dance hall days that weren’t the most commercial.. but i still love them…here’s omd – orchestral maneuvers in the dark- with “talking loud and clear”

OMD – Talking Loud And Clear by One From The Vaults

4 thoughts on “talking loud and clear

    Jeremiah Andrews said:
    June 26, 2010 at 8:24 pm

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    Jeremiah Andrews said:
    June 26, 2010 at 8:27 pm

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    Jeremiah Andrews said:
    June 26, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    It is important to stay connected with your readers. We are clean and sober and now we are learning how to navigate situations as they pop up in front of us at times.

    You have built your own way of dealing with people and personalities and I imagine your ways of ministry – be they different – from your fellows is starting to show. Maybe you have something they don't and they are jealous, or maybe you work harder and they don't – usually I would say that when people have problems with others, that is usually a reflection of what is really going inside with them.

    Don't get caught up in their dramas. The whole goal of recovery is to learn how to live soberly and to achieve greatness over time.

    I have often told others that “You CAN'T get sober and keep your ego at the same time, it just doesn't work that way.” This usually pisses people the fuck off and they go running in the other direction…

    Only you know what you can handle at any given moment. I am glad you are still writing, so that we can keep tabs on you and offer encouragement when necessary.

    Keep us posted.

    Jeremy

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    rod said:
    June 28, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    Thanks for the note Jeremiah… It is an evolving journey that I have undertaken, and I am hoping for great things…

    Yes, there are always reasons for conflict… And part of my lesson here is obviously to learn to work with it somehow..

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